I have had good days and bad days health wise over the last month. More good than bad. I continue to educate myself and prepare myself for flare ups. This week I found an article that helps me to feel better about how I am feeling. For instance today I have been exhausted...I wanted to go to the Dr but I couldn't really put my finger on why... I am just tired...too tired to even talk...maybe this article can better explain.
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This disease is called Lupus for a reason. Lupus, like the wolf it is named for, is a disease as allusive, hard to capture, and almost impossible to tame as the wolf!
My pain - My pain is not your pain. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I cannot work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulders, but tomorrow it may be in my hips or gone. My pain is not well understood, but it is real.
My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't get out of bed today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for pushing myself beyond my capability.
My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it brain fog. I may not always remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age, but may be related to sleep deprivation caused by chronic pain. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.
My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.
My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My ability to control my appetite is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.
My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days, weeks, or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.
My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from chronic pain are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above, below the waist, and on both sides of my body that has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines, hip pain or shoulder pain, or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else. I hope that this helps you understand me.
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I have not experienced all of this but some I have and it helps me to know that I indeed have reasons for what I am feeling.
