Perspective....on Lupus

I just don't know how to feel some days... I know I should be positive and most days I am....I know God has a plan for me but some days I just don't see it... really don't feel comfortable talking about it to anyone...So I am blogging it.

I was suppose to have an Echocardiogram and a Nuclear Stress Test yesterday (the 19th) but insurance is still pending so I am waiting on a call from my Cardiologist . I have an irregular heart beat. My Cardiologist mentioned the possibility it could be from Lupus... I am so scared but trying not to be...UPDATE: They just called and the first the hospital can get me in is April 29th!  I told the nurse I could die before they get these test done... Days like this my faith seems far away but I will not run away, I will be strong...

My hands are really killing me today from the osteoarthritis ...I can barely type or do my Bible Journalling or hold my iPad or iPhone or my tea cup or anything...I am on new medicines for Osteoarthritis it's helping my hips and groin and knee pain but not my hands or my back.

I can't sleep although I am on medicines to help me.  I have to use a CPAP machine.  It does seem to help the Sleep Apnea but not the sleeping part. It's annoying.

I have a Primary Care Doctor, a Rheumatologist, A Neurologist, a Orthopedist, a Cardiologist and an Optomologist (I just got new glasses yesterday.) Have to get my eyes check once a year because of the Lupus medication. I feel like a hypochondriac.

I have always prided myself in the fact that if I said I was going to do something I did it when I said I would in a timely manner.  I loved being a Center Director in Corporate Childcare for 25 years.  Now I am retired on disability.  I make plans and break them, never know how I am going to feel and because of this I can't be consistent in anything.  I can't remember things that I am trying to say or do and some days I just don't know what to do with all this...I won't even begin to discuss my weight and  how I can't seem to control it at all....